E+R=O

This is a great insight from my mate Liam Forde.

The first thing that comes into your head when something happens is often not the best thing. Something or someone may have pushed one of your buttons. I've been particularly prone to that if something looks like injustice, or if someone else is taking credit for something I've done. Your first reaction is probably not your intuition speaking. It's more likely to be patterned behaviour, or be fuelled by adrenalin in a 'flight or fight' response. What you don't get then is an opportunity to work out what the best response, as opposed to the first response, may be. When the event happens, the response, whatever it may be, will determine the outcome. Event plus response equals outcome - E+R=O.

You may not, probably will not, control the event. What you can control is the response, and you can therefore influence, or even drive, the outcome. There's just one thing you need to do that: Stop! Before you speak, before you act - stop, examine what you are about to do or say, maybe take a breath. The Buddhists call it "the sacred pause". Then decide what your response will be, rather than let your adrenaline, or your hot buttons, or even your prejudices, decide it for you. It happened to me a while ago, when my wife claimed credit for an idea that I reckoned I had, and I jumped right in and said '"No, that was my idea". And it didn't actually matter a damn whose idea it was, and a great response would have been to say nothing. Or even better, to have said "Great idea darling."

This, of course, does not apply to emergency or life-threatening situations, where you may have to act immediately and by reflex. But generally, you have a choice. As my old boss Russ Hewitt said, "Shit happens, suffering is optional". When an event happens, your response dictates or strongly influences the outcome. E+R=O. Your choice.